The Trouble With Freddie
by breaktherules
Summary: Freddie Femur is a successful lawyer. But a business trip to Santa Fe brings him face to face with Katchoo, Francine, Casey and Tambi. Story is set AFTER the end of the comic series.


Disclaimer: I do not own Strangers in Paradise. The comic series is by Terry Moore- go read it!

**-The Trouble With Freddie-**

Fredrick Femur disliked Santa Fe- the weather was too dry and hot, and he found the desert atmosphere to be rather boring. The only reason he was in town at all was because of business. He decided that he'd charge his client a higher than normal fee to make up for the inconvience of the trip.

He ran his hand through his slightly receding curly red hair and realized he was getting hungry. When he spotted a local Mexican resturant, he pulled up to it and stopped at the valet parking area. A young man approached. "Can I help you sir?" he asked.

After warning the valet attendant to take extreme care with his expensive red sports car, Freddie went inside the building. He felt confident dressed in an expensive suit, tie and wearing sunglasses that cost more than the average persons' monthly rent. 'Ah yes- it was good to be a successful lawyer!' he thought to himself.

As he walked over to the female hostess, he smoothly removed his sunglasses and leaned over her. "Hey, dollface. I'd like the best seat you have, preferably one without any children nearby," he said arrogantly.

"Sir, my name is Sara, not dollface. And I'm afraid that you've come at a very busy time, there's only a corner table available." The hostess told him, doing her best to polite to someone she though acted like a sexist pig

Freddie eyes roved down the woman's body. She wasn't bad looking, she was brunette and she wasn't wearing a ring. He sucked in his gut and stood up straight and he leaned down to whisper in her ear. "It'll do...but only if you meet me for drinks tonight." he leered.

She reddened as she looked at him in obvious discomfort and repulsion. " I don't think my boyfriend would like that." she warned.

Freddie winked at her. "That's okay, he doesn't have to join us." he whispered. "Just you and me, doll.

The woman backed away from him. " Hey Bob!" she called out. Freddie looked around anxiously, and decided it might be best to just leave- when suddenly he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder. "Oh crap.." he thought as he looked sheepishly up at the person attached to the hand. It was very muscular man with a beard and an very angry look on his face. "Is this guy bothering you, Jill?" he demanded, as he looked at the red-headed man threateningly.

"Bob, would you PLEASE take this man over to the corner table?" she pleaded, then quickly skittered away.

"Hey Bob, I don't know what's going on, but I wasn't bothering her. She's not my type anyway," Freddie lied. "And if you ask me, NO broads are worth the trouble they cause, are they?"

Bob scowled at him. "Ya know, ya talk too much. I should just kick you outta here." the large man said, as he reluctantly led Freddie to the corner table. After he took the lawyer's order of veal and a bottle of expensive wine, he gave him one more warning " No more hitting on the girls..or ELSE,"

Freddie fumed as he waited for his meal. If he wasn't so hungry, he'd just get up and leave. A skinny young waiter appeared with his bottle of wine. The lawyer figured that Bob decided that he wouldn't flirt with a man. (**What is wrong with these people? That broad should have been flattered that I even gave her the time of day!) **he thought angrily as he gripped the wine glass in his hand. He looked across at the mirrored wall and admired his reflection. (**You're damn good-looking, Fredrick Femur! Any woman would be lucky to have you...) **

His smug mood didn't last long though. The truth was that he was over thirty and still single. He couldn't understand why women didn't realize what a catch he was. Taking a long sip of wine, he glanced around the restaurant. He noticed that despite his request not to be seated near children, a group of four women and two small toddlers were seated only a couple of tables over.

Suddenly, and with horror, he realized exactly who they were and choked on his wine. He looked around frantically for his waiter.

"Psst! Psst!" he called over to his young man. He hoped that he wasn't drawing attention from the tables near him. But he needed to leave NOW!

"Yes sir?" the waiter asked. "Do you need some water? You look like you're choking."

"No, I don't need water!" Freddie hissed. "I've had an unexpected emergency come up, so could you please just bring me my bill?"

'What about your veal? It's still not ready, sir." the young man replied.

"Just bill me for it. You can eat it for all I care, you look like you could use a meal."

As the waiter hurried off, Freddie stood up and tried to make his way over to the door inconspicuously as possible. **(Please God, don't let them see me!)** he prayed to himself.

"Reddy Freddy, is that you?" called out that husky voice that Freddie had hoped **never **to hear again. " Hey Francie, it's Freddie Frikkin Femurs!"

Oh No. **Here was proof that God had it out for him...**

Chapter 2- Choovanski and friend

I've finally returned to writing after a long hiatus. As always, constructive feedback is welcome. I'm very rusty but I hope you enjoyed this first chapter. This will be a two chapter story.


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